Monday, April 25, 2016

HERESY

Geoffroy Thérage took one last look at the nineteen-year old girl tied high up on the stake. Joan appeared to be resigned to her fate. Her eyes were on the crucifix that Father Martin Ladvenu and Father Ysambard de la Pierre were holding up for her to see.
Thérage, a god-fearing man, drew the cross and closed his eyes in fear of being damned for putting a saint to death. He begged forgiveness of the girl and proceeded to light the pyre under her. As flames shot up, Joan screamed the holy name of Jesus and invoked the Saints of Paradise without ceasing. The crowd gasped and many began to sob. Then her head drooped and her body became motionless.
Jyothi closed the textbook and skimmed through her notes. She had a paper due for her Women’s Studies class. Joan of Arc, the “Virgin Warrior” of France who was a saint to many, fascinated her. She reminisced about the life of the illiterate peasant girl from Domrémy in medieval France. Apparently, the “Holy Maid” could electrify those around her and struck terror into the hearts of her enemies. Joan’s self-confident, charismatic and supremely determined persona resonated well with her.
It had been two years since Jyothi Ramani arrived on the campus of the University of Delhi for her post-graduate studies, the first member of her extended family to do so. She hailed from Janwada village in the Telangana region of Andhra Pradesh. Her family owned agricultural lands in Janwada for two generations. Jyothi aspired for an academic career in one of Telangana’s leading colleges. She had full support of the family in her endeavor. The social pressures to conform to the ‘norms’ did not encumber the clan. Her generation grew up in a different era, free of the crushing feudal exploitations that had ravaged her ancestors.
Jyothi cuddled the mobile phone in her pensive mood. The device’s screen indicated that the hour was nearing midnight. Looking at her notes, Jyothi found the word she wrote down in uppercase and encircled: HERESY. Of all its lexical descriptions, the one that seemed most appropriate in Joan’s context was the following: an opinion, doctrine, or practice contrary to the truth or to generally accepted beliefs or standards.  Joan had to pay with her life on charges of ‘heresy.’ The word had stirred Jyothi’s emotions. Did she find a parallel in her own life?
Last summer Jyothi was chronicling the life stories of the women involved in the Telangana uprising of ‘40s and ‘50s for a Women's Studies project. She had heard so much about the peasant movement while growing up. Her grandmother, Rukmini, used to talk excitedly about one Chityala Ailamma.
Chakali Ilamma, as she was popularly known, was a mother of four. When the zamindar Visnur Ramachandra Reddy tried to take her four acres of land in Palakurti village of Jangaon taluk, she revolted. Her rebellion inspired many to join the vetti chakiri udyamam (forced labor movement).
Jyothi felt that Rukmini had more stories to share than she had recounted thus far. One evening, she found her grandmother alone in her bedroom sorting through a stack of papers. She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. Rukmini peered at her from underneath the thick glasses. Jyothi sat quietly on the bed next to the old lady and smiled at her.
Jyothi was Rukmini's eldest grandchild. Growing up, she was attached to her grandmother more than any other children in their large joint family. On many hot afternoons, she would seek refuge in her grandmother's bed, listening to stories of Ramayana and Mahabharata. At other times, Rukmini would be braiding Jyothi’s hair while humming Bonalu (a festival honoring Goddess Mahakali) hymns and revolutionary songs.
Jyothi laid down a notebook and a small cassette tape recorder that she was carrying in her hand. “I’m writing about the women of Telangana struggle,” she explained to Rukmini, “It is important for our generation and beyond to know the sacrifices you had made.” The literature did mention about women’s active participation in the land movement, in agricultural labor wage struggles, in seizure of landlord’s grain, and against forced evacuation of tribal people from their lands. However, Jyothi wanted to learn about women’s battlefield experiences when fighting alongside their fathers, brothers and husbands.
Rukmini paused from stacking the papers and looked at Jyothi. She removed her glasses and wiped them with the end of her saree. She then put them back and picked up the tape recorder. Her eyes wandered as if scanning the room and eventually fixated on the recording device. Jyothi reached out and turned on the gadget. Rukmini took a deep breath and spoke firmly into the device.
Rukmini was born as Nagamma into the Koya tribe from the Godavari forest region of Khammam district. Her family had farmed on a few acres of land under the vetti (forced labor) system in Potuvarigudem village in the Palvancha forest area. She was the eldest child of her parents. During her childhood, the social conditions were oppressive in all the districts of Telangana. The Nizam and his cronies behaved as arbitrarily as medieval potentates. Poor peasants were subjected to innumerable illegal exactions like paying nazaranas (presents in kind or cash) whenever there was a birth, marriage, or death in the family. The worst of all these feudal oppressions was the prevalence of keeping girls as ‘slaves’ in landlords’ houses and using them as adi bapas (concubines).
When Nagamma reached puberty, her family married her off to a peasant boy from her gotram (one of five sub-divisions of a Koya clan). As she attained womanhood, her husband began to treat her very badly. She was fed up with him and fell in love with an agricultural hand of the village landlord; the two developed an intimacy. Nagamma’s case was brought before the village committee. After hearing her plight, the council decided that she was free to exercise her will and granted her a divorce.
The year was 1948 and the Telangana Peasant Movement was in upswing. The Andhra Mahasabha and the Communist Party had established footholds in the region, particularly among the youth. Nagamma would find these organizations in her village holding meetings to denounce usury of the landlords and distributing chittis (receipts) authorizing people to refuse vetti. To counter influence of the resistance, the Razakars (Nizam’s militia) and the police set up camps outside her village and began terrorizing people. Women and girls were particularly vulnerable – often targets of abduction and rape.
One evening, Nagamma was visiting her friend in a neighboring village when the Razakars, backed by the police, raided the hamlet. Nagamma ran desperately away from the crowd. As she neared the edge of the Palvancha forest, a resistance squad emerged and opened fire on her pursuers. She thanked her saviors and instead of returning to family she decided to join the dalam (squad). The group was led by one Jagannatham.
In her new life, she assumed the name of ‘Rukmini’, after Lord Krishna’s principal wife who was also considered to be an avatar of Laxmi (the goddess of fortune). Rukmini became an active member of the squad helping it with all its chores. She learned to handle firearms and participated in a number of actions against the Razakars, the police and even the Indian Army. She was soon promoted as the second-in-command.
Gradually, Rukmini and Jagannatham developed mutual affection. They discussed at length about possible matrimonial alliance – she was a Koya woman who had divorced her husband and he belonged to the Gowda community of the plains – overcoming the age-old suspicions of the tribal people towards the domineering plainsmen. Finally, they decided to tie the knot and sought Party permission. The Party approved and solemnized the marriage.
Over the next couple of years, Rukmini and her squad moved through Telangana in support of the uprising. During the period of guerrilla life, she learnt to read and write and developed her political consciousness. Those formative years gave her the opportunity to witness some of the most astounding expressions of human endurance in face of adversities.
In one incident that she could recall, the police raided a Koya hamlet in the Godavari forest area of Gundala and tried to take away several men. Women from the neighboring hamlets rushed forth and surrounded the police. When the police opened fire, the women pelted them with stones from behind the trees and refused to disperse till their menfolk were released. The police had to yield ultimately. In another incident, the police subjected seventy women from Nereda village to beating with tamarind birches on suspicion of being rebel sympathizers. They were forced to wear pajamas and chameleons were placed in their private parts. The pajamas were tied up at the bottom to prevent the critters from escaping. The entrapped reptiles started biting; the agony of the women was indescribable. Red chili powder was sprinkled into the wounds. The women were ill for five months. Rukmini visited the victims regularly and cared for them till they were able to resume normal activities. Some of these women eventually joined her squad.
On a pleasant autumn evening in 1950, news reached the squad that Lachamma, a washer-woman of Nadigadda village, was caught in a raid by the Indian Army. She used to wash the clothes of Rukmini’s squad and of other guerillas and had helped them to ferry supplies across the river. She was tied to a tree branch, upside down, naked, and was beaten with lathis and birches to force her tell the whereabouts of the local guerillas. After the coercion attempt failed, the Army left warning the villagers not to remove Lachamma. Jagannatham set off for Nadigadda with a few men to intervene. As the group was crossing the river, they came under attack. The Army had laid a trap; the messenger had betrayed them. The entrenched rebels fought valiantly but were outgunned. Their bodies were recovered from downstream a few days later.
Rukmini was devastated. She was pregnant with her first child. After deliberation with her comrades, she decided to leave her squad and return to civilian life under the protection of the rebels. Her family had already been forced out of their native village by the authorities when it became known that their daughter had joined the resistance. Rukmini traced one of her siblings to the Akkampeta village in West Godavari district. Her parents were already dead. She decided to move in with her sister who was married to a primary school teacher of the village.
A few months after joining her sister, Rukmini gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She named her Jagannatham. In October 1951, the Telangana movement was called off. The following year saw the rise of the Communists into power. Rukmini contacted the Party leaders of Khammam district to help her with rehabilitation of partisan resistance women like her. In Akkampeta, she began organizing classes for village women with the help of her sister.
One morning, a man in his late twenties arrived in Akkampeta. He was Ranga Rao, an underground fighter who had recently come out of hiding. The Party leaders had dispatched him to assist Rukmini. He would be bringing women cadres after the initial assessment of her needs was completed. He stayed for a week and befriended the three year-old Jagannatham. When departing, he invited Rukmini to visit the Party headquarters in Khammam town. Over the next several years, they took several trips together in support of Party activities. In early 1956, the two returned to Akkampeta as a married couple. They had decided to move west, to Janwada village in Rangareddy district, where Ranga Rao’s family owned lands.
Rukmini took a pause from her narration and put the tape recorder on the bed. Jyothi knew the rest of her life story. Jagannatham was Jyothi’s father. Rukmini went on to have two more sons and a daughter with Ranga Rao. Grandpa had passed away a few years ago.
She kept the tape recorder running as she watched Rukmini slowly breaking into reciting the bardic tale of Telangana Veerayodhulu (Telangana Heroic Warriors):
“They raped even the newly delivered ladies; they cut the new born babies into pieces
They stripped the pregnant women; and stabbed them in their stomachs;
They tied the ladies in hay-stacks; and burnt them to death.”

Jyothi began writing her term paper. She had about two hours to work on it. This word, heresy, was so intriguing.
Throughout human history, the heretics or the proponents of heresy had been hounded down and often put to death. All the major religions of the world had the dubious distinction of persecuting the heretics among their ranks – Jyothi found through her internet search.
Even before Joan’s tenure, the Catholic Church was enforcing pre-existing episcopal powers to inquire about and suppress heresy. Joan’s trial for heresy was politically motivated in the midst of the Hundred Years War between England and France. England resented Joan’s support of the French crown. Her reputation as a French prophetess and saint needed to be destroyed if England were to have a “divine claim” on northern France.
Jyothi’s mind was getting foggy. Rukmini's life story was an embodiment of heresy too. Her peasantry roots, her marginal existence on the fringe of the society while shepherding her younger siblings, and of course her life as a rebel fighter among the ranks of males – all bore striking resemblance to Joan. There were too many similarities in these two lives, centuries and continents apart, to be purely coincidental. The subjugation of Telangana and her inhabitants was no different than the conquest of Joan's land and her people. The social and political forces had prompted both girls – not surprisingly, they were nearly of the same age – to seek retribution by rejecting their 'traditional' roles and following their conscience.
Jyoti needed a break from typing. It was almost two o’clock. She wrapped herself in a shawl and stepped outside in the December chill. From her balcony, she could see lights aglow in many of the dorm rooms. Those were the late night crusaders like her. There was a group of girls hanging out in the courtyard. Some were milling around the canteen. The road outside the hostel was eerily quiet, except for occasional barking of stray dogs. Students, particularly girls, stopped venturing at night. Security on and around campus was on everyone’s mind for quite some time.
Just a year ago, the whole campus erupted in rallies and protest marches following the rape and brutalization of a young woman, who was about Jyothi’s age. She too had gone to India Gate with her classmates demanding justice for the victim, which in a way was to ask the society to respect her gender. That unfortunate girl, Jyoti Singh Pandey, shared her name and also her dream of a career. How odd a coincidence could that be? Then there were Kiran Negi of Dwarka in south-west Delhi and Shipra Ghosh of Kamduni in West Bengal – the nineteen year olds had aspired for self-sufficiency through work and education – who were brutally raped and murdered. All three girls, like Jyothi, were the eldest of their respective siblings, but that would be the least similarity they would share with Joan and Rukmini. Certainly, each of these women decided to live ‘a life of her choice’, which could make her a heretic to an appropriate authority.
A well thought-out conclusion was what remained of the term paper. Jyothi paced a few times between the room and the balcony, still unsure of the concluding remarks. The more she tried to put ‘heresy’ into perspective, the more her thoughts became convoluted. Who had the ‘moral’ authority to prosecute a heretic? In Joan’s case, the Church used the charges of heresy to silence dissent. Did the modern society or certain sections thereof assume that authority? Why then these girls would ‘burn at stake’ for not conforming to social ‘norms’? It appeared that humans had made little progress at the existential level since Joan’s time in spite of the relentless march of civilization at esoteric levels.
Perhaps, her confusion would not be resolved by the time her writing was done. She was all ready to retreat on this chilly night. Clutching the textbook she slipped into her bed, hoping to skim through it one more time before hitting the lights. It wasn’t long before she fell into a deep sleep.
That night Jyothi dreamt of three maids in pure white dresses crossing the blue waters of Gandipet (aka Osman Sagar), the lake near her village. These apparitions were like Joan’s visions of St. Michael, St. Margaret and St. Catherine. They entered her room through the open window and congregated around her bed. She saw Kiran, Jyoti and Shipra smiling at her. In sweet but firm voices, they urged her to don a shining armor and step into men’s battlefield just as the French maid did some six centuries ago. The armor would prevent her from getting molested or raped and she could preserve her virginity like Joan. This wasn’t a call of duty for god; rather it was a higher calling – for humanity.
Jyothi was jolted off the bed by the alarm of her mobile. It was seven o’clock in the morning. She had another hour before heading for college. Should she be writing about her dreams in that remaining section of her assignment? An SMS from her father confirmed that Janwada was very soon to be the talk of the nation. An NGO would be implementing social programs to promote safe water awareness and hygiene practices, especially among women and children. They would invite celebrities from Bollywood and Hollywood to come to the village to raise funds in the New Year. That was indeed great news! There could be an opportunity to discuss women’s health and wellbeing in and around her village too, thought Jyothi.
She was looking forward to going home.
March 7, 2014
Princeton, NJ

Friday, December 25, 2015

The Anniversary - A Short Play


(A husband and a wife are conversing over mobile phones. The husband has gotten off a flight.)
Reading time: 1:45 mins.




HUSBAND
Hello, my flight just landed. Where are you? I tried calling home!

WIFE
Why are you so late? It's almost 11:30pm! You were supposed to be home by eight.

HUSBAND
The flight was delayed, because of bad weather... I know, I know, we were supposed to be going out to celebrate our anniversary.

WIFE
Do you think that's even a remote possibility now?

HUSBAND
What can I do? This is beyond my control... Let's go out on Sunday... Tomorrow is your music concert.

WIFE
Uh -

HUSBAND
I'm heading for baggage claim. The limo must be waiting. Did you eat dinner?

WIFE
No, not yet.

HUSBAND
Oh! I'll get home ASAP.

WIFE
Meet me outside the gate.

HUSBAND
What?

WIFE
MEET ME OUTSIDE THE GATE. I'm waiting in the baggage claim area.

HUSBAND
Are you kidding?

WIFE
No, I'm not. I cancelled your limo pick-up.

HUSBAND
This is unbelievable! Did the kids come too?

WIFE
No, they are at the neighbor's.

HUSBAND
So, you drove all alone at this hour.

WIFE
Look, we still have a half hour left in the day. We will celebrate here.

HUSBAND
Celebrate where?

WIFE
There's a Marriott up the road. I called and confirmed our reservation. In case they close by the time we get there, there will be diners around here. Besides today is Friday. Don't you worry!

HUSBAND
Wow! Looks like you've planned for the evening.

WIFE
Nothing much… It's just setting the priorities straight.

HUSBAND
(Chuckles) Listen, I'm picking up a bottle of champagne from the duty-free shop… May not be chilled though…  So, give me a few more minutes… See you soon.

(The End)

Thursday, December 3, 2015

DEEP DARK THIRTY


“Transport is here,” thundered a service personnel decked in U.S. Army fatigues in the doorway of the makeshift waiting lounge. I glanced at my watch. The hour was deep dark thirty.
About fifteen men were scattered around – a few were active-duty soldiers and the rest were Department of Defense contractors like me. Some were reading and some filling out papers, while the least concerned among us used Government-issued backpacks as their pillows. We had been in the lounge for quite some time and people had grown tired of waiting. In this part of the world, transportation was not guaranteed. This was a battlefield.
A day earlier, I had taken a flight out of Kuwait City to arrive at Camp Victory. A part of Baghdad International Airport was carved up to house five U.S. military camps that were serving the Green Zone. From here, I would be flying north, to Tikrit – Saddam Hussain’s hometown. I had left my New Jersey home soon after Labor Day to reach Baghdad.
The night outside was warm in this early part of September. “Remember to keep yourself hydrated,” cautioned the security officer who checked my passport and the Government-issued CAC card, “it is hundred-and-ten degrees (°F) during daytime.” Needless to say, we drank water like fish. Water bottles were stacked up throughout the facility.
“Those who want to go to Camp Speicher – the transport is here,” repeated the soldier. Speicher, formerly known as Al Sahara Airfield, was an air installation that the U.S. Army had captured in the initial days of the Iraq War. It was serving as the headquarters of the United States Division-North and was my destination. I quickly grabbed the steel-plated protective vest and Kevlar helmet from underneath my seat. Without those armors, one would not be allowed on the transport.
A race ensued to slap on the gears – one would easily be a good thirty-pound heavier with them – and falling in a line. The courtesy transport was on a first-come-first-serve basis, and oh, the soldiers were bumped ahead of the contractors. I learnt it the hard way on the previous night. By the time I could ensure that my helmet was secured, there were a dozen people ahead of me. Each transport, a UH-60 Black Hawk, could ferry about eleven troops.
No room inside the transport meant I had to look for an accommodation outside. Camp Victory did not roll out a welcoming mat for me. I was just a number for the records. Fortunately, I was traveling with two other team members from the same project, one of whom was a Government civilian. He had a better handle on the military lingo and found out the directions to our hotel.
We hailed a courtesy taxi to ferry us. On our way, we passed one of Saddam Hussein’s several palaces. Our driver, who was doubling as a tour guide, told us that that opulent structure featured gold-trimmed toilets! As fate would have been, the erstwhile owner of that place was resting six feet under, while the visitors swapped stories about his excesses.
Our overnight accommodation turned out to be a tent city with rows of empty cots under each roof. “I can sleep anywhere,” I thought and so did my companions. Once again, we were not in control of our destiny. It turned out that cold air was being pumped through a maze of ducts in our sprawling tent. We soon realized that picking a cot, optimally positioned with respect to those ducts, was a challenge. Too close to the ducts, one would freeze to death; too far out, the sweltering heat would overpower. Eventually, we ended up huddling in a tight spot.
I peeked at my watch; its hands had struck two o’clock. That would be nine o’clock in Baghdad time – I adjusted the mechanical arms accordingly. It had been a couple of hours since we landed with the setting sun on our back. In the rush to avail a transport to our final destination, we had overlooked the dinner. “Should we look for a place to eat,” I inquired my fellowmen. By that time, I was no longer certain of the outcome of such an effort.
The Ugandan soldiers guarding the camp – the US military could not avoid outsourcing – informed us that DFAC was closed for the night (no surprise there!) There were a few take-out places that might be open, like Subway, Pizza Hut, etc. “I’m in a mood for fried chicken,’ declared one of my companions. Lo and behold, we found a KFC place that was open, or so we thought.
As we approached the kiosk, the sight and sound were familiar. There were three young men conversing in my mother tongue. I went straight to the point. “Are you from Dhaka,” I asked in Bengali. They were a bit surprised; clearly they were not used to seeing a person from their ethnic background among the visitors. I went on conversing in a language that I had least expected to use on this tour to the bewilderment of my colleagues.
The place had closed up for the night, but I resolved the situation in our favor. I did not want to be a loser for a second time on that evening. I beckoned my party to follow me to a picnic table in the quadrangle. Very soon, the three lads arrived with a large bucket of fried chicken, a container of coleslaw and several biscuits. We continued chatting in Bengali for a little longer, after which they left without even collecting the money. I explained to my companions how those men took pity on us and gave away their share of the dinner. Perhaps, our common ethnicity had helped me to broker the conversation. Then that was not the first time I had seen humanity to prevail over all other considerations and it would not be the last.
“Please have your paperwork ready,” reminded the soldier as we filed past him into the open field adjacent to the waiting enclosure. There were ten people in front of me. Would I be fortunate enough to secure a ride on this night? I looked behind where my co-travelers were standing; each put his thumbs up. Nobody seemed as anxious to catch a ride like I was.
My eyes were fixated on two bright dots in the distant horizon. As they grew bigger, the whirring of rotor blades became more distinct. The Black Hawks mostly flew in pair, but never alone. Soon the beams illuminated the whole field and the Army’s lawn dirt pair gently landed, kicking up moon dust. We were wearing protective glasses for no small reason. I could feel sweat dripping from underneath the helmet and down my cheeks. The steel-plated vest appeared heavier with every breath.
The doors of the Black Hawks opened to unload their human cargo. A group of soldiers and civilians, twenty in my count, streamed past us. I heaved a sigh of relief. We were ordered to file against the rear of the birds to avoid being sucked into the rotating blades. The men ahead of me got into one, while I waited for my turn. A soldier motioned me to climb into the front. Front? I was bewildered for a moment. He again pointed towards the cockpit. Carrying two backpacks and clutching the helmet and the glasses – boy, did I move fast – I stepped into a Black Hawk, a machinery made famous by Mark Bowden’s book Black Hawk Down, for the first time in my life!
The dim cabin light had made the interior mystic. The two pilots were listening to radio communications, while the two gunners on either side adjusted their night goggles. Before I could overcome my bewilderment, the doors of front and rear cabins were slammed shut. I was still struggling to secure the seatbelt – the buckle on that contraption was very different from the familiar ones – when the helicopter took off, executing its typical gyrations. I glanced at the soldier sitting next to me. He was taking a nap with the M-16 carefully tucked between his legs, a sight reminiscent of the daily passengers on local trains in India. I held on to the seatbelt tightly as the pull of the gravity became apparent.
The helicopter continued to climb up and then pushed forward; piercing the envelope of darkness, it headed for a destination in an unknown land. The final leg of my journey had begun. A blast of warm air greeted us. The outside view, through the windows where the gunners stood, looked very familiar. It was as if I was looking at rural India with its dimly lit unpaved roads and scattered clusters of huts. The young gunners craned their necks to spot muzzle flash as the helicopter leveled off at a low altitude.
A train of thoughts wrecked my mind. How predictable was a war zone? What were the odds of me reaching the destination that night? One of my colleagues from New Jersey was stranded in this place when he did his tour several years ago. He kept getting bumped off flights, which were ferrying wounded soldiers, at the height of the Iraq War. Eventually, he could secure a ride after five days of wait in Balad!
What would happen if the helicopter was attacked? Would the two young gunners be able to hold their firepower? I was reminded of the scene in Black Hawk Down in which Black Hawk Super Six-One was hit by an RPG and crashed inside Mogadishu. Before coming on this tour, I had spent an entire week in Ft. Benning, Georgia, undergoing basic training. We learnt how to apply tourniquet to stem the flow of blood when a solder got hurt. We had trained our sights to spot a suicide bomber or a buried IED amidst unfamiliar settings. We weren’t briefed, however, on our options if the helicopter had crash-landed. I couldn’t close my eyes; the worries kept me peering into the darkness.
Suddenly, the vehicle jerked and started to descend. My heart leapt to my throat; I clutched the unbuckled seatbelt tightly as if a drowning person was holding onto a straw. Looking around I saw tranquility – my survival was assured. According to my watch, we were airborne for about forty-five minutes. Could we be in Speicher already, I pondered. That seemed impossible as we were told that the journey would last several hours. So, what else could be the reason of the descent? By then, I was certain that the helicopter was not hit by artillery fire. Once on the tarmac, we were asked to disembark without our belongings and walk towards a waiting area. We obliged and moved away from the rotating blades quickly. I had become conversant with the etiquette of the battlefield. 
Not long after that we were summoned back to our vehicles. My travel companions were seated in the main compartment with a few soldiers and several civilians. They had found out that “essential” goods were being delivered to that post on the outskirts of Baghdad. After we were reseated, I asked my co-passenger: “Sir, if you won’t mind, can you kindly show me how to buckle up?” “This is how I do it,” demonstrated the soldier with his seatbelt. “Tango Mike,” I could not resist the temptation to show-off my newly-acquired military lingo skills to the Good Samaritan. All of a sudden, I felt immensely relieved. This time I was firmly buckled as the Black Hawks lifted off for Tikrit.
The helicopters quickly ascended into the night sky. I learned from my soldier friend, James, the rotorcraft had to stay beyond IDF or the range of small arms and light weapons fire. We were in hostile territories north of Baghdad. He also informed me that the flight path would take us over Balad, but we would not land at that military base. Instead, we would fly close to Tigris River on our journey north, into Tikrit.
James was on his second tour of Iraq and was from Modesto, California. His current assignment would last for another four months. He hoped to be home for Christmas, to enjoy his R&R with his two young daughters. Our short exchanges ended soon as James racked out. He and his unit were returning to Camp Speicher after a week-long mission around Baghdad.
The interior of the air vehicle had become eerily quiet. It was dark already; the dim lights were switched off as soon as we were airborne. The whirring of the rotor was the only lingering sound disrupting the otherwise still night. As I stared into the darkness, I suddenly faced that eternal question – who was I in this grand cosmos? What was I doing at that very moment in a place literally foreign to me?
Yes, I was on this post-midnight mission to fulfill my contractual obligation towards the U.S. Government, to deliver new force protection technologies. However, my true contribution into the grand scheme of the universe extending all around me was utterly insignificant; and so were those of James, who by then was in deep sleep, and his comrades. In fact, no one in the whole wide world at that very moment could have claimed to impact, beyond personal confines, any event with far reaching consequences.
Below me extended a dark carpet that was the land of Iraq, embroidered with scattered lights. The bright clusters signified military bases and outposts; the dim lights shone from the homes of ordinary citizens, mostly along Tigris River. Who would be burning midnight oil in those homes? Could it be a young student preparing for exams, a housewife winding up her day’s work or a family taking turns to guard the front door fearful of it being knocked down in the middle of the night? A despot and a prolonged war must have had profound effects on the psyche of the population; but I, being where I was, would never encounter these inhabitants or find the right answer.
There is perhaps no better display of self-interest than in a war. The Iraq War was in its eighth year by then and was on the way to joining the Afghan War as the longest U.S. engagements militarily. I could barely account for a handful of the great wars that were influential in changing the course of history. Wars are like waves in a vast ocean; they flow and ebb in the expanse of humanity without leaving any trace.
As I sat motionless in my seat, I started to feel the weight of the vest. It was probably the longest time that I had worn the armor. According to the regulation, I was supposed to retain it as well as the helmet throughout my flight. I glanced at James; he seemed to be at ease in his gear. The two gunners were still at their stations, scanning the darkness with their night vision goggles. I loosened the straps of my helmet and unbuckled the vest; I inhaled the warm air circulating inside the cabin and closed my eyes.
“The last sun of the century sets amidst the blood-red clouds of the West and the whirlwind of hatred.
The naked passion of self-love of Nations, in its drunken delirium of greed, is dancing to the clash of steel and the howling verses of vengeance.”
The words penned by Rabindranath Tagore broke my train of thoughts – Rabindranath, seriously? I could not shake off of this man – one who has become synonymous with most Bengalis’ existence – at that very moment, in the most unlikely of places – inside a Black Hawk flying over a battle-scarred land.
I could hear swoosh of the steel blades beating against the wind with vengeance to keep us afloat. Tagore’s premonition in the closing hours of the 19th century about the hubris of jingoistic pride embodied in the model of the modern nation-state, reverberated in the darkened cabin of the Black Hawk. Each of us was representing our self-interest to preserve that model in one way or the other.
“What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?” I recalled the words of Wilfred Owen, the famous trench poet of World War I. The smiling face of a young man decked in British Army lieutenant’s uniform loomed over me. Unlike much of the generation that had been conscripted in that Great War and had gone on to write about it, Owen desisted from glorifying the killing and destruction. He wrote in gritty style, infused with the memory of the horrors he had witnessed in the trenches. I wondered if Owen felt the same way as I did, arriving on the battlefield for the first time.
At some point during his tenure on the battlefield, Owen sought refuge from the crass materialism engulfing his world in Tagore's poems – poems which encapsulated a simple faith in man and divinity. Owen perished while crossing the Sambre-Oise Canal, exactly one week prior to the signing of the Armistice. After the death of her son, Owen's mother retrieved his personal possessions. In his pocketbook, she found Poem 96 of Tagore’s Gitanjali (“Song Offerings”) that Owen recited in his farewell address to his mother. "When I go from hence, let this be my parting word, that what I have seen is unsurpassable," read the opening line.
Unlike Owen, I was not in a position to exchange farewell with anybody. My life’s journey was far from over. However, between the excitement of stepping onto a Black Hawk and the apprehension of surviving nearly three-hour flight in a battlefield, I could say that my experience of that night had been “unsurpassable.”
A cloak of silence was draped all around me, except for the sound of the rotors chopping away the stillness of the night. I gazed straight ahead, past the pilots, out through the cockpit window. As far as my eyes could see, darkness extended to the horizon. We should be following the course of Tigris River as James had explained, but apparently we did not. I looked up – the canopy was decorated with twinkling stars. We must be above the smoke and dust layers that quite often obliterated the majestic view, I thought.
Thousands of miles removed from my comfort zone and my familiar world, the crammed, dark, hot interior of the Black Hawk felt apocalyptic. At the same time, it served as a protective enclosure from unknown forces. Did Owen also find his trenches, his fox holes, to be such dichotomies when bullets whizzed and shells exploded overhead? Did he gaze upon the star-filled sky from his vantage point and feel the infinitely bigger presence embracing him? If indeed he did, he probably had arrived at the same conclusion as I – humankind is not in control of its destiny.
Our behavior is predicated on limited knowledge about our world. We can go only so far guided by our own actions before those of others force us to re-strategize. These snippets of activities when spliced create the trail of our journey through space and time. A successful completion of my journey that night rested on the actions of many – the pilots, the gunners and even James – who were busy ensuring that my chosen plan ran its course.
Would I safely return to my comfort zone, would I ever encounter a night like this in another place – answers to those questions rested on our collective actions in the future. All I could feel at that very moment, thundering across the starry sky, was the sensation of an awestruck wanderer in the grand cosmos. My insignificant presence seemed appropriate for a change. Raising my voice above the hum of the rotors, I sang to myself:
“In this Universe, space and eternity
I, the mortal, alone I wander, wander in awe.”